The Meaning of Hope
by Suraki
Summary: HieiKurama YaoiShonen ai, Hiei has lost his powers, but are they truly gone forever? Warning: YAOI don't read if you don't like. Flames are not welcome.
1. Chapter 1 Hiei

Hey, Suraki here! This is my third fic up at and I like how it's going so far. It's sad, like all my stories. I'll be updating the two unfinished ones (this one included) as much as possible. However, my laptop is broken so I have to write everything in note books and then transfer them to the family computer. I don't want people finding my stories so I have a real problem. Until my laptop is fixed, the updates won't be regular. I might update three chapters at once then not another one for two weeks but I'll try to avoid that.

Enjoy!

**The Meaning of Hope**

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho, unfortunately, does not belong to me. Those happy rights belong with Yoshiro Togashi (aka god), Studio Perriot, Funimation, and are affiliated with Shonen Jump.

Chapter One: Hiei

Their eyes bore down on me, judging me without hearing my side of the story first. They wouldn't listen. I knew coming into the tribunal that I was to be found guilty and punished to the fullest extent of Makai law.

I felt very small.

I was sitting at a table in the center of a room. In front of me were twelve demons in varying sizes and races and they were all looking at me the same way; like I was a criminal.

I suppose I deserved it.

"Hiei, master of the Jagan, Second in Command to the Militant Supervisor, Mukuro, you have been formally charged with the murder of a human female and her unborn child," said the judge. "You have been tried by a jury of your peers and have been found guilty. The punishment for which is sterilization and banishment."

"No!" Mukuro screamed from somewhere behind me. We all turned to look at her. "You can't! He's suffered enough at the hands of his own people, don't take his power away."

"Be silent!" the judge yelled.

Mukuro started to cry and collapsed in the corner.

"Hiei," she cried. "I love you."

I said nothing.

The armed guards came and picked me up roughly by my arms. Escorted me to a treatment room and strapped me to the table.

I didn't resist, I just lay there while I was given shots in my arms. To their credit, they didn't kill me when they _removed_ my jagan. It merely felt that way. But I didn't scream. I wouldn't give them that satisfaction.

When it was all over, I could no longer feel my inner flame. I was reduced to the power of a human.

I was very small.

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	2. Chapter 2 Kurama

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho© (and unfortunately, Hiei) belong to Yoshiro Togashi (King Yama), Studio Perriot® Funimation®, and it is affiliated with SHONEN JUMP®. I claim no ownership over Yu Yu Hakusho © or any of its affiliates. As such, I own nothing!

**Chapter Two: Kurama**

Almost as if by accident, I found him. He was miserable. That was the first thought that came to me upon seeing him. It was as if all life had been drained from him.

"Hiei?" I said, uncertain that the black-clad figure was truly my friend. However, once he emerged from the shadows of the early morning, I knew it was him.

He was walking slowly. Which surprised me as Hiei rarely did anything slowly.

"Kurama," he said my name as if it meant more to him then my being. "They've taken…"

My eyes widened ever so slightly at the realization that his demon energy had been reduced to zero. _Damn. Enki's men got to him._ The Makai legal system had, as Yusuke put it, gone to shit. King Enki had come into office with the noblest of intentions and had destroyed everything. To put it lightly. I knew, instantly, that whatever Hiei did, or didn't do, was not good. For Enki's tribunal to strip him of his power meant he had at the very least killed a human.

I said a silent prayer to the Fox God that Hiei was concealing his energy. That what I feared hadn't happened. To confirm what I already knew, I reached over and pushed his hair away from his forehead. It was bare. His Jagan had been taken.

He collapsed into my chest and on instinct, I grabbed hold of him. "Hiei," I whispered lightly, trying to conceal the terror in my voice. "What happened?"

I felt him shaking in my arms so I started absently stroking his hair. "It's all right," I said, even though I knew how flatly those words would fall.

Hiei said something that sounded like an apology but I couldn't be certain because it was muffled by my chest. I was holding him too tightly. I loosened my hold on him and asked him to repeat what he said but he simply fell back into my arms again.

I resumed stroking his hair, as I had done for my new baby sister when she cried. Hiei wasn't crying. I suspected he didn't know how but his shaking had become uncontrolled. Violent.

"Come home with me, Hiei," I said. "You are in no shape to be out of doors right now."

He nodded and pulled away. I held onto him with one arm and led him to my house.

The house was quiet. No one was awake at this hour. I checked the clock. 6:21.

Hiei dropped onto the couch as soon as I let go of him and curled up with his knees against his chest. I didn't have the heart to tell him to remove his boots.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. "I have some left-over salmon onigiri." Hiei nodded and I reluctantly left for the kitchen.

When I returned with the plate of food, Hiei had relaxed into a sitting position and had taken off his boots.

I handed him the plate and he ate the riceballs as if he had been starved. "Thank you," he muttered between bites. I imagined the words felt very foreign for him considering that he'd never said them before. I was shocked that he offered thanks.

"You're more than welcome," I replied.

"Shuuichi?" My mother called from the hallway leading to her room. "Shuuichi, what are you doing up so early?"

"I was taking a walk, Mother," I replied. "I ran into an old friend."

Hiei stood up and walked over to my mother. "It is an honor to make your acquaintance," he said with a bow. "My name is Hiei."

My mother smiled at him. "I'm Shiori," she said. "You may call me Shiori. Such polite friends you have, Shuuichi."

"I myself am impressed with his decorum," I said with mild shock. Where had he learned such etiquette?

I walked over to my mother and Hiei. "Is it alright if he stays here for a while? He doesn't have anywhere to go."

"Why don't you have anywhere to go?" Mother asked Hiei.

"My house burned down," Hiei lied. "An electrical fire. There's hardly anything left." Hiei was only half lying, I could see. His house was a metaphor for his life.

"You may stay here as long as you don't mind being woken up by a baby crying," Mother said.

"Thank you, Shiori," Hiei said with another bow. Then he turned to me. "What baby?"

As if on que, Mino started crying. "I will take care of her," my mother said. She left for the nursery.

"My mother had a baby," I said. "Minorilin Hatakana."

"I thought your mother was a widow."

"She remarried last June. I have a younger brother as well. Suichi."

"You have the same name?"

"Yes, to alleviate confusion we call him Kokoda."

"He is your stepbrother then?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry about earlier. Falling to pieces like that isn't like me at all."

_Neither is apologizing,_ I remarked to myself. "What about it? You were upset. You have every right to be after all that has happened to you. Not just being sterilized, your whole life…"

"One more banishment. It's how my life goes." Then he whispered. "I'm really going to miss Mukuro."

"Are you finished with your breakfast?"

Hiei nodded, retrieved the plate and took it to the kitchen as if he knew exactly how the house was laid out. _That's ridiculous, he saw me go to the kitchen earlier._

When he came back, I was still standing in the same place. We both took seats on the couch. "Why don't you tell me exactly what happened?"

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	3. Chapter 3 Hiei

Disclaimer: I'm tired of writing these because it only serves to remind me that I don't own the one thing I wish I owned so badly I might be willing to give my soul for it. Okay, not that bad, but Yu Yu Hakusho © isn't mine.

Okay, so this chapter is a bit long. But fear not my loyal readers, it has some intensity that all Yaoi fangirls love.

**Chapter Three: Hiei**

I stared at Kurama and let his question sink in. What exactly had happened? I wasn't sure I knew nor did I want to. "No," I said "Not yet." I reached into my cloak. Kurama flinched. "I'm not drawing my sword." I pulled out my bag. "Where should I put my things.

"Come with me," Kurama said. He led me to the room next to his upstairs. The rooms were joined by a bathroom in between which could only be entered through one of the bedrooms. "This is the g- your room." I set my things on a bed which looked as if it were waiting for me. Kurama took me on a tour of the upstairs. There were four bedrooms and as many bathrooms. Kokoda was asleep in the room across the hall from where I was to stay. He took me downstairs, I let him lead me like I were some sort of puppy. The staircase opened up into the living room, there was a hallway on the left which led to the master bedroom, the nursery, and Kurama's father's office on one side, the kitchen, dining room, and library on the other. Then he mentioned the pool in back.

"You have a pool?" I asked, trying not to sound as awestruck as I was by the sheer grandeur of Kurama's house.

"Yes," Kurama replied. "Would you like to see it?" I nodded. "I thought fire demons hated water."

"I don't."

We walked through to the back of the house and out to the pool enclosure. The pool was built in and had a waterfall at the deeper end.

"It's beautiful," I said, no longer attempting to keep the awe out of my voice. "Do you swim often?"

"Would you like to swim now?" he asked.

"I would."

"This isn't the Makai, you have to wear a bathing suit."

I stared at him. _Bathing suit?_ Kurama must have seen the question in my eyes because he explained the garment. I found it ridiculous. "There are spares in the pool house. I'll show you."

We walked to the small pool house and I selected a pair of green shorts. Kurama picked up a pair of red ones, turned around and started changing. I was thankful for him not facing me because I started blushing. I turned as well and changed into the bathing suit. When I turned around, Kurama was looking at me. An old saying popped into my head. _In the Makai, you only look if you're interested._ I banished the thought from my mind and followed the sneaky demon onto the deck and into the water.

I swam, thanking the gods (whichever ones hadn't already forsaken me) that I could still swim without my former strength, all the way to the end and pulled myself up on the rock by the waterfall. I couldn't keep the thought that it was a romantic setting out of my mind. Kurama pulled up beside me and our hips accidentally touched. Kurama jerked away and muttered an apology. "I don't mind half as much as you," I said, though I found no humor in the situation. Kurama may have turned slightly pink, I couldn't see because of the dim (romantic) lighting.

Kurama reached over and brushed my wet hair away from my forehead. He stared hard at the place my Jagan used to be.

"You're staring," I said acidly.

"I'm sorry. It's diffic- different, seeing that. Your forehead, I mean."

_Gods, is he as flustered as me?_ "Your stammering is unbecoming of a dem- a man."

"Unbecoming."

I used my sure-fire conversation killer (Yusuke's name for it.) "Hn."

"Are you all right?"

I almost said something sarcastic but thought the better of it. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "No." I knew that the truth was the best way to go with someone who was offering you a home. I owed him at least that after the way I had so blatantly lied to his mother. But what could I have said? I was thrown out of the demon world for killing a woman and her unborn child? No, I wasn't even sure that was true.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

_One of Mukuro's favorite phrases. _ I bristled. It stung. "Why?" I said. "You couldn't possibly understand. Becoming hu- losing your demonic power was a _choice_ for you. I had mine _taken._"

"Why did they take your power?"

"They said I killed a human."

"And did you?"

I know I turned bright red with fury. "How could you ask me such a question?"

"I don't judge you, if that's what you think." That cooled me down a bit. "It's only a question."

"I don't remember."

"Do you often have moments like that? In which you don't remember what has happened?"

"Are you attempting to psychoanalyze me?" My anger rose again. To dangerous levels.

Kurama must have sensed that because he said. "No, I'm trying to help you."

"I do _not_ have black-outs."

"I believe you."

"Hn." I lost balance and slipped off the rock. Kurama dove in after me and pulled me back up. Which was good because I sank like a lead weight. I can swim well enough but if I'm startled, I lose buoyancy.

I coughed up a lot of water while Kurama looked on concernedly. He'd taken me to the edge of the pool, away from the waterfall. "Are you okay?" he said.

"I'm fine," I replied tersely. "No thanks to that rock."

"It's one of my favorite places in the house." Kurama seemed to realize at the same moment I did that he was still holding me and let go as if I had burned him. "I'm sorry."

"Are you sorry that you were holding me or are you sorry that you think I mind? You held me out in the street when I was trembling. Now isn't any different." I was surprised that I had said that.

"It is, Hiei," Kurama said. "Now you're not upset."

"I _am_ upset!"

"Hush, Hiei, the baby is sleeping."

"You know as well as I do that the waterfall drowns me out. You can't stand to hear me shouting is the problem. If you want to touch me then do it."

Kurama raised an eyebrow at me. "What makes you think I want to?"

I gaped at him. He was right. I didn't know that for sure. "That's why I said 'if you want to' not just 'touch me, goddamnit.'" I gave myself a mental smack on the head. _Stop this foolishness before he changes his mind about letting you live here._

"Do you realize how dangerous those words are when spoken to a fox demon?" He was choosing his words carefully. I had gotten under his skin. His voice was nonchalant but I saw the passion in his eyes.

_Stop it! Stop it now!_ "Why don't you tell me?" _I'm in trouble now._

"Is this a game to you?"

I stared him right in the eyes, which was no mean task considering he could have bore holes in my skin with the look he was giving me. "No, I don't play games."

Kurama's eyes lost all emotion, he'd regained control. _Damn_. "I don't either. Unless you mean Scrabble."

"I can't change venues as simply as you. Don't do that to me."

"Venue is an interesting choice of a word. I think you mean emotions, if you do, you are mistaken. My emotion hasn't changed at all."

_I really AM in trouble. What should I do?_ "Don't do that to me," I repeated uselessly.

"Whatever am I doing?"

I inched closer to him. "You know exactly what you're doing. You are the one playing games. Not me."

"Don't. Not unless you know what you want. Not unless you're sure you want it." He placed his hands on my shoulders and for one wild moment, I thought he might kiss me, but he pushed me away gently and stood up.

I know, mean to leave it off right there, but if you want more, you'll have to review!


	4. Chapter 4 Kurama

So, I've noticed that a bunch of people have added my story as an alert but only three people have reviewed. I'm not going to be childish like some authors and refuse to update until I get reviews but if you're reading this, I would appreciate it if you would give me a review. Something simple like 'hey, cool story, update soon,' would be fine, just so I know people are enjoying it. Thanks.

**Chapter Four: Kurama**

I looked down at Hiei until he stood up and we silently went back to the pool house and changed. This time, I didn't look at Hiei as he changed. I knew I shouldn't have teased him so mercilessly but I couldn't resist. He's a very cute demon and I was enjoying it until he started intensifying the situation. Which made me wonder if he realized it was a joke.

_I shouldn't tease him anymore,_ I thought to myself. _He probably can't handle it after all that has happened to him. After all, he loves Mukuro._

My mother was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. I knew Hiei was ready to eat again. I wondered if he had been eating. Which brought up the question, _how long has he been here?_

"Hiei-kun," Mother said. I looked over at Hiei, expecting him to turn red with fury at being called –kun. "What would you like for breakfast?"

Hiei smiled. "Whatever you are cooking smells delicious. That should be fine." I was shocked. What brought on this change in his manners? _Perhaps he simply grew up._ I smiled at him. He scowled at me. _Perhaps not._

"Shuuichi, set the table for me please?" said Mother.

"Yes, Mother," I replied, already gathering the plates, silverware and glassware. Hiei followed me into the breakfast nook and watched me set places from a seat on the table.

"She's very polite," Hiei said.

"My mother?" I asked.

"No, the other woman."

"Hiei, if you're angry with me, I'd like to talk about it."

"I don't want to talk about _anything_ when you say it like that."

"What? How did I say it that it was wrong?"

"Mukuro used to say 'do you want to talk about it' whenever I got upset or she perceived that I was. I hate hearing it. I HATE it."

"Hiei… was Mukuro there when you were… sterilized?"

"She was in the jury room. They had to tazer her and she still fought the guards until they knocked her out with a club. She kept screaming 'I love you!' over and over again while I was in the next room having my Jagan _removed_ from my head. Do you have any idea how much that hurts?"

"Which part?"

Hiei looked startled as if he'd said something he wasn't planning on saying. "Having an eye removed from your head."

_And having it done while your mate is screaming 'I love you' over and over._ I finished for him.

"That's not what I said."

"What?"

"Mukuro wasn't my mate and I don't know why you would say that. I could care less if she loved me. It doesn't matter anymore."

"I didn't say that out loud, did I?" _I haven't even kissed him and already he can read my mind. Wait, I'm not thinking that Hiei could be… my soul mate? Of course not! I must have said it telepathically. No. Hiei isn't telepathic anymore. He had his Jagan removed._

"Would you stop staring at me holding that knife!?" Hiei screeched.

I dropped the knife. "I'm sorry. I was lost in thought."

"Shuuichi, is everything okay in there?" Mother called from the kitchen.

"Yes, fine Mother," I replied. "I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have assumed that you were mates."

"You would know if I were anyone's mate, Kurama."

I found myself turning pink at that. He was right. If he had ever had sex, I would know. "Yes, well, I'm sorry."

Mother came in and set the food on the table. Hiei, I noticed, was off the table before my mother had even entered. Kokoda and Father straggled in after her and we all sat down to dine.

Hiei sat across from me next to Kokoda. He kept glancing up at me from his plate and quickly looking away. /Do you have something you want to say?/ I asked Hiei telepathically, certain he wouldn't be able to hear me. To my surprise, he heard and responded.

/I was hoping we could talk. Yes, I want to talk about it./

/How is it that you can still use telepathy?/

/I don't know. It didn't work when I tried to contact Yusuke yesterday. All I heard was my own voice. Listen, about earlier…/

/If you apologize again, I'll make a scene./

/Calm down, Kurama. What I wanted to say was I promise I wasn't playing a game with you. I honestly felt like… How can I put this? When you held me earlier on the street, it _was_ different. I needed comfort then, but by the pool. That was something else./

/Can we discuss this after school?/

Hiei dropped his spoon on his plate. /You have school today?/

/I have school everyday except Saturday and Sunday./

/What do you expect me to do all day while you're gone?/

/You can read in the library if you wish./ Hiei didn't respond to that. /Hiei?/

/I don't actually know how to read./

/You don't?/ I glanced up at him but looked away quickly.

/I never went to school. The thieves I lived with were illiterate as well./

/Don't call yourself illiterate. It isn't your fault./

/The word doesn't matter. I don't know how to read. At least not in Japanese./

/You can read in another language?/

/English./

/How did that happen?/

Hiei's ears turned pink. /It's a long story./

/I have books in English in the library. They're on the far left shelf by the fireplace./

/Good. I have something to do./

I thanked Mother for breakfast and headed off for school. I had Hiei on my mind all day.


	5. Chapter 5 Hiei

Disclaimer: See chapter one.

Suraki here! Thanks for all the reviews guys! I noticed that a major theme was everyone hates Mukuro. Um… I'm sorry to disappoint you all but Hiei cares about her. He just doesn't love her. Anyway, I appreciate the love and don't be afraid to make multiple reviews. I love hearing from you! Oh, and as for Hiei's state of mind, read chapters one and two more closely. Hiei's in shock but it's gonna hit him big time in this chapter. Special thanks to ShinobuNeko for making me realize that Hiei was _in fact_ too calm about the whole thing.

**Chapter Five: Hiei**

I stared at the book case in Kurama's library for a full ten minutes before realizing I had no intention of reading anything. What I needed was to be away from this place. I wanted to be back in the Makai where things weren't so complicated. _Hiei, I love you._ I closed my eyes to shut her voice out. Shut everything out. Before I knew it, I was in the forest running. I could still run quite fast. It was spirit power I suppose. But I just kept running. Running until all the colors blurred together. Running until everything melted away. Running until nothing was familiar anymore.

I wanted to scream. Just open my mouth and shriek in agony and despair. I was human. _I'm a human, I'm a human, I'm a human! _I slashed at the underbrush with my sword. Just kept slashing and slashing until I hit a rock and a shockwave rattled up my arm from striking something too solid to cut right through.

In a flare of rage, I tried to set the tree in front of me on fire. The attempt physically hurt and I fell to my knees. And then I did scream. A furious, uncontrolled, scream. It didn't even sound human. It sounded like an animal. A wounded animal scream. It drowned out all other sound until I heard nothing. Nothing but the sound of my own heart beating.

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	6. Chapter 6 Kurama

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. And I am very upset about it.

I updated two chapters because I knew you would all kill me if I left it at the end of the last one. Besides, it was too short.

**Chapter six: Kurama**

_That sound. Am I the only one who hears it?_ A quick look around confirmed my suspicion. The rest of my AP Biochemistry class was busy taking notes from the overhead projector. _It sounds like an animal dying; a wounded bear. It's so loud. My ears are burning with it. I thought I could control my hearing. How far away is it? It's too loud to tell. __**I'm a human I'm a human I'm a human! **__Is that Hiei's voice? Is he the one screaming like that?_

I felt a tightening in my chest, an ache, really. I couldn't focus on the notes. The letters were swimming in front of my eyes, all the colors were blurring together. I felt tears forming in my eyes. I wiped them away quickly and discreetly. By that time, I was certain it was Hiei. Howling in pain. Then I saw exactly where he was and for the first time in my history as a human, I walked out of class, out of school. I broke into a run as soon as my feet hit the pavement outside of school. I ignored my classmates yelling my name and the teachers' astonished faces. I had to find Hiei. I was almost certain he was dying.

I don't know how long I ran. It may have been minutes, it may have been hours, it may have even been the whole day but when I came upon Hiei, I stopped dead in my tracks. He was lying on the ground, whimpering. He looked worse then the day before when I found him in the street.

"Hiei," I said gently. "Hiei, what's the matter?"

Hiei looked up at me from the ground, stared for a moment then leapt into my arms. I was nearly knocked on my back by the momentum but I managed to stay upright. Hiei was shaking again, this time with fury. I almost dropped him when I realized how angry he was. "Hiei, calm yourself," I whispered urgently. Hiei merely gripped my back tighter.

"I came to the forest to calm down," he said. "I didn't want to scare your mother. Damn the gods for doing this to me. Damn them all!"

I held Hiei closer. "The gods have nothing to do with us, Hiei. It could be-"

"Don't you _dare_ say it could be worse! Don't you dare!" That's when I realized that Hiei was crying. His voice was strong but tears were falling on my shoulder. "I'd rather die then be a human!"

I flinched. "Is that how you truly feel? That you would rather be dead?" I bit back my own tears.

"Kurama?" Hiei looked up at me. "Kurama!"

"Don't kill yourself, Hiei. It is a mortal sin."

"I murdered a human, Kurama. Murder is a mortal sin."

"Did you? I don't think you could have. I don't think it's in you to kill a human."

"Don't."

"Hiei, I'm sorry that this happened to you. I wish I could get your powers back for you and send you back to the Makai where you'd be happy."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I want you to be happy." Hiei stared up at me like I were insane.

"What makes you think that being in the Makai would make me happy?"

"If it wouldn't, if it didn't, then why didn't you come back?"

"I had obligations. To Mukuro, to the King."

"You shouldn't let anything get in the way of your happiness."

"Not even you?"

Before I could ask Hiei what he meant by that, he passed out in my arms and I had to carry him back home.

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	7. Chapter 7 Hiei and Kurama

I know I left it at a bit of a cliffhanger and I didn't update for a while but never fear! Everything that doesn't make sense or doesn't seem to fit will by the end, I promise!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

**Chapter Seven Hiei and Kurama**

The smell of cinnamon and something else; a soft bed of pillows beneath me. One wild moment wondering if this was heaven and then opening my eyes and knowing for sure.

He was stroking my hair. The way he had in the streets. He was humming a melody that sounded vaguely familiar and I remember thinking that his voice must be the way an angel's sounds. He wasn't looking at me but I saw the pain in his face. Real emotional turmoil. Was I the cause?

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"All the time," Kurama replied without hesitation. He looked down into my eyes from his seat next to me on the bed. "Not so much right now."

"Is it me?"

"Is it?" He looked away. "I wonder."

"You don't know?"

"No one ever really knows, Hiei… Not until it hits them in the face." He touched my cheek and looked down into my eyes again. "If I knew, would you want me to tell you?"

I thought for a moment. Would I really? "Always."

"And if it _were_ you?"

I held his gaze until it physically hurt then had to look away. "I'm not sure we're talking about the same thing anymore."

"What were _you_ talking about?"

"Love."

"It _is_ the same, Hiei."

I felt an unfamiliar choking in my throat. I swallowed in an attempt to clear it away but it only became worse. I didn't realize until Kurama left the room that I was trying to choke back tears though it was a while afterwards before I knew what the tears were for. "Love hurts all the time?"

Kurama frowned, looking unsure if he had actually said something so general. "No. Not all the time. And not always a cripplingly. Sometimes you lie awake and wonder why the other person is the way they are and what you did to deserve a broken heart. Assuming that your love isn't returned. Sometimes you don't even know you love someone until they break your heart and even then sometimes you don't know that the other person is the cause. Love is a very human emotion. I'm not saying that demons don't feel it but it's different. Demons tend to have better control of emotion then humans."

"Who broke your heart, Kurama?"

For a while, he didn't say anything at all. He simply looked at me with pain-filled eyes. The air in the room thickened around us as if we were surrounded by heavy black smoke. For that moment it was just the two of us and it dawned on me that Kurama wasn't going to tell me the answer. But I knew it in my heart the moment he mentioned it. It was me. My mind took a moment to register it but I knew that I was the cause. The choking feeling came back.

The energy in the air crackled and broke around us. No, not around us, between us. Walls upon walls seemed to crash down and leave nothing but a pile of smoking debris as a reminder that they ever existed. I felt as if I were inside Kurama's head even though I heard none of his thoughts. It was a strange feeling. Not just that I was in his head, no, but that we were the same person. We were still looking into each other's eyes and I knew intellectually that nothing had changed. I was still me and Kurama was still Kurama but _everything_ had changed. There were no barriers separating Kurama and me. We were on the same wavelength.

I realized with a start that there was a craving deep inside of me. A craving for his touch. I silently begged him to kiss me. Not telepathically. Not with words. With emotion. I tried to pull him in with my eyes but he wouldn't budge.

I'm not sure who said it but I know it was said, "this is what truth feels like." It seemed to echo in the room and then there was a sound, or rather a feeling like glass breaking and the two of us were separate entities once more.

There was another moment of silence in which I realized that Kurama's breathing had deepened and slowed and I wondered if he had done something to me. But the moment passed. I knew Kurama was psychic, but I also knew that he had a code of ethics that wouldn't permit him to do… whatever it was that just happened.

I still craved his touch. _Please, if any gods still care, make him kiss me!_

_The gods have nothing to do with us._ Kurama either said that or I remembered it from earlier but it didn't matter. The truth was, without that feeling. That strong physical… something, I felt very much alone. Even with Kurama sitting beside me, gazing into my eyes, I was alone.

"Hiei," Kurama whispered. Then stronger, "what did you mean in the forest when I told you not to let anything get in the way of your happiness and you said not even me?"

"What if what I need to be happy, I need from you?"

"You have all that you need to be happy, it's here," he hovered his hand over my heart, as if knowing that if he touched me, something would happen. What something was unclear but I was more afraid of it than anything in my whole life. Yet I had never wanted anything more.

"If that's true, then you have what you need to be happy as well."

"Who said I wasn't happy?"

"You did, earlier."

"I only said that it hurts, I never said I wasn't happy." He stood up, "Good night, Hiei," and walked out.

I was left to mourn the loss of what that moment could have been. "This is what truth feels like," I whispered.

_This is what a broken heart feels like,_ Kurama's voice echoed in my mind.

Had he said that? Or was that a stray telepathic thought? _Don't be stupid. _I told myself. _You aren't telepathic anymore._ Then why was I able to communicate to Kurama without words? I tried to send Kuwabara a telepathic message but it was the same as when I had tried to contact Yusuke. The rest of the world was deaf to my voice. Everyone except Kurama.

_This is what a broken heart feels like,_ I thought to myself as I flopped miserably into bed. I was still fully clothed but I didn't care all that much. I had lied to Hiei which seemed to be a most horrible sin. I told him I was happy. Or rather denied that I was unhappy. But I couldn't. I couldn't just tell Hiei that I was unhappy, that I was depressed. Not when he needed me to take care of him. _Take care of him? _ I thought. _This isn't good, Kurama and you know it. Stop being a fool. He isn't your soul mate. You don't love him, and he doesn't love you._

Why hadn't I told him who had broken my heart? Because it wasn't something he needed to hear. _He thinks it's him_, I thought. _He thinks he broke my heart._ How could he, when I didn't even love him. But he was right. What had broken my heart wasn't a rejection. Not entirely. It was the look on his face when he lay on the cold hard dirt, trembling. The look of utter despair and defeat. I couldn't get it out of my mind. It kept me awake the whole night.

I had no idea of the torment I had caused my friend next door until the morning after.

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	8. Chapter 8 Kurama

Disclaimer: Still not mine. See Chapter one for full disclaimer.

I decided that you all deserved a two chapter update after that long break in not posting chapters. Good news. A friend of mine is going to fix my laptop soon so I'll probably be able to update longer chapters soon! And more often!

**Chapter Eight Kurama**

That morning was the first morning in a long time that I was grateful for not having to go to school. I felt Hiei leave his room a few minutes before six and trudge downstairs. It brought back the bitterness of Hiei's loss; feeling his energy being so human and frail. I knew where he was going before he knew.

The night without sleep had done a number on me psychologically. I felt as if on the verge of tears without needing a reason and my head was spinning. I stood up, changed into a half-hearted attempt at a matching outfit and wandered down the stairs. Mother wasn't awake yet so I looked in on Mino. She was sleeping quite contentedly, thank the gods.

I didn't want it to be obvious that I followed Hiei but I couldn't bear lying to him again. I found him on the rock by the waterfall; he was wearing the same green swim suit he'd worn the day before. He had his knees curled up to his chest and was trembling again. It occurred to me that he'd been trembling a lot; I thought it was from the cold of not having his inner flame anymore but I soon found that not to be true.

Without changing, I walked over to Hiei and sat down on the rock beside him. "You're going to get wet," he said acidly.

"I don't care." He pushed me in. The act wasn't playful, it was intended to bait me but I wouldn't let him get the better of me. At least not until I found out what was causing his anger. I pulled myself back onto the rock and gave Hiei what I hoped was a meaningful look. "The outfit is hardly dry-clean only," I finished.

"What is the matter with you?"

"Me? I didn't just push my friend into a pool while he was fully clothed."

"I warned you."

"That's fine. But I'd like to direct your question back at you." I pulled my shirt off and wrung it out.

Hiei stared at my bare chest for a moment then looked away. "You would do that, wouldn't you?"

"Do what?"

"Take off your shirt in front of me."

"You expected me to keep wearing it? It is only out of respect for you that I don't remove my pants as well."

"I don't care, go ahead and get naked. Dance. Do anything you want, just leave me alone." _Like everyone else._ He finished the thought in his head but I heard it as if he said it out loud.

I decided not to tell him I could hear his thoughts. Another indiscretion that I deserved to burn in hell for. Lying was one thing, but not telling someone that you can read their mind is just plain evil.

"I won't leave you alone until you tell me why you're acting this way."

Hiei tackled me with such force that I forgot momentarily that he wasn't a demon anymore. "Why do you think I'm acting this way, Yoko?"

That stung. "My name is Kurama, or Shuuichi."

"Did you feel what happened last night?"

"When?"

"When all of the barriers between us collapsed."

"No."

_Liar,_ Hiei's voice rang clearly in my head.

"Would you mind getting off me?" I tried to sit up.

Hiei grabbed me by the shoulders and slammed me down onto the rock. "I can't help if you don't tell me the truth. What I want to know is why you keep leading me on if you don't care about me."

"Leading you on?"

"Last night, in my bedroom. You were stroking my hair as if you were my lover then you walked out when I still…" _Needed you._

"Hiei, don't misconstrue my actions as leading you on. I was attempting to comfort you. That's all. I do care about you but not in the sense that I want to become your lover." I couldn't help it, my face turned red at that obvious lie. I wasn't aware it was a lie until after I said it. I was strongly attracted to Hiei. That was true. I had feelings for him. That was also true. But I was damned if I was going to let him know it.

_Let's examine that for a moment._ I thought. _Why don't I want him to know?_

_Because he's still vulnerable. He doesn't mean what he says._

Hiei released me and backed away. "What?" I asked. Then I knew exactly 'what.' My voice had gone all deep and my hair had turned silver. "Damn!" I tried to focus the transformation back but I became Yoko fully.

Hiei was looking at me as if I were a rabid animal. "K-Kurama?" he said, obviously frightened.

"Don't be afraid," I said.

"Like _hell_ I won't be afraid. You just changed-" I covered his mouth with my left hand, careful not to scratch him with my claws.

"You are far too loud. If my Mother hears you and comes to investigate... I don't want to have to explain this."

/Explain it to me/ Hiei said 'telepathically.'

"When I lose control emotionally, I transform. I didn't get much sleep last night and having you tackle and mount me did nothing to alleviate my terrible mood."

/You make it sound filthy. I was upset. I reacted on impulse/

I watched as the hand covering his mouth lost its claws and felt myself physically shrink to a shorter size. My hair and ears turned back to normal as well.

I let Hiei go. "I'm sorry," I said. "I know that must have been frightening for you."

"I've seen Yoko before." Hiei shrugged, but it was all wrong. He was stiff with fear and I could smell it on him. It was palpable. A mix of adrenaline and fear that I would have ordinarily seen as a sign of weakness but I knew how scary it was for him because it was just as scary for me. If for a different reason. I was afraid of being caught by my family as another being, Hiei was afraid for his life.

"Believe me when I tell you that I didn't mean for it to happen."

Hiei sighed deeply. "I'm not mad. At least not for that."

"Why are you mad?"

"You're giving mixed signals. Sometimes I feel like you want me and other times I feel as if you're giving me the cold shoulder. Like yesterday in this very spot."

"That was intended to be a joke until you became so emotional."

"How did you expect me to act? You weren't joking. I know that. You were teasing me on purpose. I shouldn't have to tell you why that isn't wise."

"I know, Hiei. The thing in the Makai turned you into a walking emotional train-wreck. I get it. I'm sorry."

"Kiss me."

"What?"

"You say you don't have feelings for me, prove it. Kiss me."

"How would that prove anything?"

"If you don't have feelings for me, I will know from your kiss."

I sighed. It was going to come out sooner or later. "Don't make me kiss you, Hiei. I'm operating on zero sleep and I won't be held accountable if I do something stup-" He cut me off by kissing me. He was clearly inexperienced but he did it just the same. _You've just made a grave error,_ I thought. _If he really is your soul mate, this will make him irresistible._

_Who am I kidding? Certainly not myself._ I decided to kiss back. As soon as I did, I became aware of the walls crashing down again. I had felt it as much as Hiei had the previous night, if not more. I knew it wasn't a good idea. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. You're supposed to meet your soul mate, fall in love, and then kiss him.

_Things are about to become very complicated._

_**As always, please take time to review my work. I'd do the same for you.**_


	9. Chapter 9 Hiei

Wow! I got like a million reviews! Thanks guys! Anyway, this chapter is going to be less confusing. I promise. Oh and the thing at the bottom of the seventh chapter, that was Kurama POV. I forgot to separate it so it was confusing. Things are getting better for Hiei, I promise.

Disclaimer: As always, Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Studio Perriot, Yoshiro Togashi, Shonen Jump, and Funimation. I just write fanfics and hope not to be sued.

**Chapter Nine: Hiei**

I broke the kiss and looked at Kurama. He had his eyes closed and was grinning like an idiot. For a moment, he seemed to be listing slightly forward so I put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. My hand started tingling. Kurama must have felt it as well because he opened his eyes and looked down at it.

"You kissed me," he said, looking up at me.

"You kissed back," I replied.

"Uhn," he moaned. "Shouldn't have done that."

"Why?"

Kurama kissed my lips hungrily. I snaked my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Energy swirled around us, twining together and wrapping us in a warm cocoon of our mingled energy.

When Kurama pulled away, he winced apologetically.

"What?" I asked.

"You can't hear my thoughts?" he asked.

All of a sudden I was flooded with a rush of desire and wanting and words. _Take me, for the love of the gods, take me._

A moan escaped my lips. "Why can I hear that?"

"I don't know but I can hear yours."

I blushed deeply. What I had been thinking was a bit more graphic and demanding that just 'take me.'

"I…"

"No need to be embarrassed. It's a completely natural reaction."

"_Natural? _ Wanting to… um… oh gods! I don't know what to do!"

"Do what you feel."

"What I _feel_? If I do what I _feel_… You know what I'm _thinking_."

"You know what _I'm _thinking."

"Ah…"

"Do _something!_"

_He's losing his patience but I don't KNOW what to do. I mean I know WHAT to do but SHOULD I?_

/Do it/ Kurama said telepathically.

I climbed into Kurama's lap and kissed him, entwining my fingers in his soft hair. Kurama broke the kiss and pulled his hair away from his neck, tilted his head back. I leaned in and kissed his neck, nibbled, then bit down.

"Harder…" Kurama moaned.

I complied and was rewarded with a gasp of pleasure from Kurama.

I returned to his lips and slid my tongue past his. I gently massaged his neck where I had bitten him and he and he slipped his hand up my shirt. I gasped as he started teasing my left nipple. He smothered my moans with kisses; strong and passionate.

I pulled Kurama off the rock and into the shallow water.

His kisses were so sweet.

I melted into him and the walls came down again, this time rebuilding around us and I knew the walls would prevent us from being interrupted along with some plants of Kurama's by the door.

I felt Kurama's delighted giggle ripple up from his chest. I hadn't noticed until then that I had been tickling him behind his ears.

I moved my hands down to his chest and down and down until…

Kurama broke the kiss and looked at me shocked.

"You said to do what I feel, Kitsune."

Kurama purred and reclaimed my lips. I started removing his pants but he grabbed my wrists. /Stop/ he commanded telepathically.

I backed away immediately.

"You're giving off conflicting signals again," I said.

"Do you want to be my _mate_ already?" he asked.

"Oh, I wasn't…"

"Thinking," he finished for me.

"Yes."

He gave me a peck on the cheek and pulled himself out of the water. I followed. "Let's go upstairs and take a nap," I said, remembering that he hadn't slept the night before.

Kurama gave me a grateful look and we walked to the pool house to change. I didn't turn away this time. No reason to be modest anymore. Not after I grabbed him.

I changed back into my clothes and Kurama pulled on a white terrycloth robe. We took the stairs to his room and curled up together on his bed. I found myself drifting off to sleep quite fast and I knew I would have to deal with my feelings when we woke up but right now, I was content to just sleep in the arms of my kitsune.

_**Thanks for the reviews and keep them coming!**_


	10. Chapter 10 Kurama

_**Sorry for the long gap in updates. I recently started a sequel to one of the stories I thought was finished but learned otherwise. The story is going to get sadder before it gets happier but I promise you all a happy ending. You'll just have to ride the emotional rollercoaster with Hiei and Kurama all the way there.**_

_**Oh, and if you're looking for some relief in the tension, this chapter ain't it.**_

**Chapter Ten Kurama**

"Shuuichi!" Mother's voice woke me. "Shuuichi, it's noon." I threw the blanket over Hiei seconds before my mother walked in. "Why are you still in bed?" she asked.

"I didn't sleep at all last night," I said. "I went for a swim this morning and got back into bed because I was too exhausted to stay up."

"Why are you hiding Hiei under your blanket?" I suddenly noticed that she was holding Mino. Mother shifted her to her shoulder. She gave me her 'I know you're up to something' look and smiled. "I wish you would have told me you were dating."

"Does that mean I can come out?" Hiei's muffled voice asked from somewhere around my solar plexus. He tossed the blanket aside and I remembered that my chest was bare. Hiei seemed to notice too because he said, "It's not what it looks like."

Mother held out a hand. "I believe you." She patted Mino's back and Mino cooed and gurgled. "You'll need a bigger bed, Shuuichi."

"Wait," Hiei said. "We aren't really dating."

/Choose your words wisely, Hiei/ I cautioned.

"Then what are you doing in my son's bed?"

/Remind me, why am I in your bed?/ Hiei asked me silently.

/I don't know. You followed me?/ I replied.

/What should I tell her?/

/I don't know. I've never been caught with another man in my bed before. Or really had another man in my room./

"I'm going to assume nothing until you want to tell me the truth," Mother said. "We'll be shopping for a new bed later today, I had a feeling there was something between you. You know where the 'you know what' are kept, Shuuichi. I hope you will make wise decisions. Lunch will be ready in an hour." She walked out.

"What just happened?" Hiei asked.

"You just moved into my room." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "If I knew this was going to become an ordeal, I never would have…"

"What? Invited me to stay?"

"Not that, no, not that at all, I never would have been teasing you in the first place."

"Is that all it was? Teasing?" Suddenly the walls came crashing down. Not only did they crash, the appeared to surround Hiei and me with our own energy. I knew that I would be unable to lie to Hiei while this was going on. He could read my thoughts. So I worked on thinking nothing. Static. "Don't patronize me, Kitsune. I know you're avoiding something."

_I hate myself,_ I thought.

"Why? Why do you hate yourself?" Hiei asked.

I sighed. "I've been lying to you."

"I know," Hiei said darkly. "I've known every time you've lied about something. You're just lucky I know _why_ you lied all those times. When you said you weren't unhappy, that was a lie. You just didn't want me to think that I was the reason. You lied about not having feelings for me because you wanted to protect yourself. And you _lied_ with your kiss by holding back. That was to protect _me_ from _you_, am I right?"

"I don't like when I'm lied to. I am such a hypocritical bastard."

"A hypocrite, maybe; never a bastard. I wouldn't say that about you if my life depended on it."

"Hiei, I…" The walls came back.

"Why does that happen? What's going on?"

I threw up as many mental blocks and psychic barriers as possible so Hiei wouldn't hear one thought. _Because you're my soul mate._ "I don't know." He believed me. I wanted to shoot myself.

"Maybe it's because of all the tension between us? Our own energy is trying to tell us to knock it off?"

"Maybe."

"Shuuichi, can I ask you something?" Uh oh, this was vulnerable Hiei again.

"Yes, of course."

"Are you gay?"

I threw back my head and laughed. The absurdity of the question coupled with all of the tension and mixed feelings was enough to send me over the deep-end. "Are you serious?" Hiei nodded. "Hiei, what…? Yes. Of course I'm gay." I started laughing harder. "I can't believe… this is too funny."

"Stop laughing at me."

"Oh, I'm not laughing at _you_, Hiei. I'm laughing at the question. Do you think I would have tolerated you kissing me if I wasn't?"

"I don't know! I'm confused."

I stopped laughing immediately. "About what?"

"Everything. And you're not making it any easier on me sitting in bed with me not wearing a shirt."

"Would you like me to put a shirt on?"

"Either that or kiss me."

_I like his idea better but I think-_ That's where the train of thought derailed. Hiei kissed me with such ferocity that I couldn't think about _anything_ let alone putting my shirt back on.

When I came to my senses, Hiei was on top of me, panting and nibbling on my neck. "Yamate!" I yelled.

Hiei froze. "Oops," he said, sliding off of me. "That wasn't good."

"Why…?"

"I don't know what happened. It was like I lost track of myself until you yelled at me to stop."

I sat up. "I did too." I smoothed out my hair and looked around for a shirt. Seeing none, I stood up and walked to my bureau to pick out a presentable outfit. I started changing before I remembered that Hiei was still in the room. "Sorry," I said, wincing.

"I'm not looking," Hiei's voice said behind me.

"Liar," I said and continued changing.

"Don't you wear undergarments?" Hiei asked.

"I knew you were looking." I turned around. He was looking. I had, luckily, put my pants on by then and was pulling my arms through the sleeves of my shirt.

"Well…?"

I blushed. "I didn't want you to see…"

"That's priceless, Shuuichi."

"Why are you calling me that?"

"Practice, so I don't call you Kurama in front of your parents. Don't avoid the topic. What's wrong with your underwear that you don't want me to see it?"

"In the Makai, you only look if you're interested," I said.

"Oh, I am."

"I know that. I was just stating a fact."

"What's wrong with your underwear?"

"It's indecent to let your friend see your undergarments."

Hiei stood up and quick as a flash was looking in my dresser. "Stop that." I swatted at him.

Hiei started laughing. I wrestled him away from my dresser and pulled him to the middle of the room. I held him backwards to my chest so his head was facing away from me. "If I let you see, there's no mystery," I said.

"Okay, fine. If you don't let me go, I'll make you regret it."

I released him. "I trust you," I said.

"I wouldn't."

"Behave, Hiei."

He turned to face me. "Behave like what?"

"A civilized person. I know it's hard for you but at least try."

"I've decapitated people for less."

"Don't even joke about that."

"When is lunch?"

_Apparently, he __**can**__ change venues as easily as I._ "As soon as…"

"Shuuichi, Hiei-kun, lunch time!" Mother's voice came through the intercom.

"…that happens," I finished. Hiei and I walked to the dining room together where my mother had laid out a spectacular lunch. Salmon sushi, crab cakes, wanton soup, spinach onigiri, and egg rolls. Slightly Chinese but we'd have to forgive her because it smelled amazing.

"What's the occasion?" I asked.

"Welcoming Hiei into the family," Mother said. "You were both missing at dinner time so this was the first chance I really had."

Kokoda and Father came in soon afterwards and we all took our usual places at the table; Hiei next to Kokoda on one side, me and Mino on the other and Mother and Father at the head and foot of the table respectively.

We served ourselves. Hiei took more food then anyone, which was fine as my mother always made extra food however, Hiei seemed embarrassed.

/You may eat as much as you like/ I assured him using our 'almost telepathy.'

/I _am_ really hungry/ he replied.

/Good, there won't be any leftovers/

/This food is amazing/

/Tell that to my mother/

"This food is delicious, Shiori," Hiei said. "Thank you for such a wonderful meal."

"Why, thank you, Hiei," Mother said. "You are too sweet."

Kokoda made gagging noises and Mother gave him a sharp look. "Sorry, Mom," he said. "It's just weird. He looks like a punk rocker but he talks like Shuuichi."

/What does 'punk rocker' mean?/ Hiei asked.

/A punk rocker is a person who sings 'punk' style music/

/Is that a good thing?/

I looked up at him. _The punk rock thing IS sexy._ Then I looked away because I knew he heard that.

/I'll take that as a yes/

Meanwhile, Mother was lecturing Kokoda and Father was sitting on the sidelines, as usual. A wise decision.

"That's prejudice, Su-kun," Mother said. "Just because he wears all black doesn't mean he isn't a good person."

"I never said he was a bad person, Mom," Kokoda said. "But he has a _Mohawk_ for crying out loud. And he's all sweet and innocent. It's unexpected, that's all."

/I wonder what your brother would think if he _really_ knew me/ Hiei said.

/He'd run screaming/

Hiei started laughing.

"What is it, Hiei-kun?" asked Mother.

"Shuuichi made a funny face," he pointed at me so she would know which 'Shuuichi' he was talking about. "You should have seen it."

I stared at Hiei. Something was wrong with his head. It looked as if he had a purple bruise on his forehead. _No, it's glowing. Oh my…_ They didn't take it, his Jagan was still there!


	11. Chapter 11 Hiei

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, see my profile for full disclaimer.**_

_**This is absolutely positively NOT the last chapter of the story. It might seem that way at the end but all the loose ends are still swinging in the breeze. Besides, I promised you a HAPPY ending, remember?**_

**Chapter Eleven Hiei**

Something was wrong with Kurama. Even though he and his mother had bought him a new bigger bed, he hadn't asked me to spend the night with him and I knew not to ask. He was acting distant for a whole week and went back to jerking away every time we touched. I had half a mind to grab him and kiss him just to see what he would do, but I didn't.

He was always running around, giving me excuses for why he couldn't spend time with me. However, once he had a spare moment, he brushed me off, telling me he needed to rest.

I lay awake that Friday, wondering what I did wrong. Why he wouldn't talk to me or touch me. Or really even look at me. I felt so lost and full of hurt. My heart was aching so bad that a few tears slid down my cheeks before I even thought about Kurama. _I know I did something but what was it? Why is he acting this way? Maybe it's because I'm not a powerful demon anymore._ That thought really got to me so I ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower so Kurama wouldn't hear me cry out my despair.

At breakfast the next day, I pretended nothing was wrong but Shiori noticed anyway. After Suichi and Kurama went off to school, she told me to meet her in the library.

I sat by the fireplace in a comfortable rocking chair and waited. She walked in a few moments later with Minorilin in a carrier. She set her on the floor and sat across from me on a chaise lounge. "I'm concerned about you," she said. "I know there's something going on between you and my son but you act like you barely know each other, let alone love each other. After I found you in his bed, I expected you to behave like a couple. Why aren't you acting like lovers?"

"We're not lovers," I said. "I love him but he doesn't love me. It was a mistake. I never should have shared his bed with him. Not even just to sleep."

"Are you certain that he doesn't feel the same?"

"Positive. If he loved me, he wouldn't ignore me the way he has."

"Oh, I see. So _he's_ the one causing this mess."

"I wouldn't put all the blame on him. I must have done something…" To my complete and utter horror, I burst into tears in front of Kurama's mom. "I don't know why he doesn't love me. I thought he did for that one day but I was obviously mistaken." I started sobbing softly.

Shiori studied me for a moment before lifting Minorilin from her carrier and holding her out to me. I held the baby in my arms and looked down at her. My crying instantly ceased. She was smiling up at me as if she knew me. "Hiei," said Shiori. "That baby you are holding is a miracle. After I had Shuuichi, all of the doctors told me I could never bare a child again. But they were wrong. Minorilin represents the essence, the very meaning of hope. If you wish for something enough, if you hope for something with all of your heart, you will receive."

"Shuuichi will never love me," I said. "I don't deserve his love."

"Hiei-kun, you're a wonderful person."

"You only think that because no one has told you otherwise."

"You couldn't be bad. You have the same powerful red aura Shuuichi has."

_Demon energy appears as a red aura to gifted humans. But I have none left. My aura should be gray or blue…_ I must have been staring at her because she said. "You think I'm crazy don't you?"

"No, of course not. I see the auras, Shuuichi as well."

"He does?"

"Yes. Are you sure my aura is red?"

"Positive. It is redder then Shuuichi's, except right here." She placed her hand in the middle of my forehead. "Right here it is bright purple."

My eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

Shiori nodded.

"Don't mention any of this to Shuuichi. The subject is very touchy with him."

"My lips are sealed." She reached for Mino and I handed her over. "Feel better?"

"Yes," I lied. Except I wasn't sad anymore, I was furious. _As soon as I get my hands on that fox, he's a dead man. If his mother can see my Jagan, Kurama most certainly can._ For the first time in weeks, I had hope. And a plan.

As soon as Shiori left, I focused my energy on my third eye. I tried to open it, when it didn't open I searched my memory for the day they 'removed' it. I remembered burning. _They must have cauterized it! That's why it hurt so bad, because they took my flame THEN burned me._

Then I had a thought.

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It took me fifteen minutes to get to the temple which used to belong to Genkai, and another ten to work up the courage to knock on the door. "It's open, Hiei-nii-san!" Yukina called from inside." I walked in and found her on the couch in the TV room.

With Kuwabara.

I glared at the idiot. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I live here," Kuwabara said.

I balked. "With Yukina?"

"Yeah… she lives here too…" he spoke the words as if telling them to a mental patient.

I wanted to strangle him but knew I couldn't do it in front of Yukina. His death could wait. "I came to be healed," I told Yukina.

"I wondered when you would," she said. "Touya-san came with the news of…" she cleared her throat. "… the incident."

It all came back to me then. I hadn't killed the woman, Touya had! I was on patrol that day and HE came. He made a crude suggestion about you and I tried to kill him. Then a human came through the portal and got caught in the cross-fire. Touya cut her with _his_ sword. I tried to stop him but it was too late. Then he knocked me out. When I woke up, I was in shackles and couldn't remember a thing.

"Would you like me to re-open your Jagan first or restore your demon energy?" Yukina asked.

"You can do both?"

The idiot started laughing. "Didn't you know?" he asked. "Yukina is the vigilante demon-healer! She's restored power to tons of wrongfully punished demons. They're rallying for a revolution. It's going to happen soon, I think."

"All I have to do is make you a tea and you'll be as good as new. Maybe even better," Yukina said. "The only thing I ask for in return is the truth."

"About what?"

"My brother."

"I didn't find him."

"I know." She held out her hand and I gave her the gem back. "I also know that you know who he is. I just need to hear it from you."

"Hiei knows your brother?" Kuwabara asked.

"Yes," Yukina said.

"Are you sure you want to know?" I asked.

"Positive."

"I am your brother."

"As I suspected. Now go to the bathroom and sit in the tub."

I didn't ask the reason for the peculiar request but just did as she asked. She came in a few minutes later with a steaming cup of tea. "You'll want to take off your clothes. The way I restore your power is by neutralizing the poison in your system. You sweat it out and it doesn't smell at all good." I took my clothes off and covered myself with a towel and Yukina gave me the tea, which I drank. I didn't notice any immediate effects. Then she placed her hands over my Jagan and I felt it opening.

I almost cried out with joy. But then I felt as if I were on fire. I was so hot. I started sweating out green goo which did smell foul. Yukina winced and left the room. "Take a bath when you're done," she called over her shoulder.

Fifteen minutes later, I walked out of the temple after giving Yukina a huge hug and thank you and ran back to the house to pack. There was no chance that I was going to stay in the Ningin world when Kurama didn't love me and I had my powers back.

I packed, gave Shiori a completely fabricated explanation as to why I was leaving, a completely honest and gracious thank you and was gone before Kurama came home from school.

I had the decency to leave him a note explaining why I was leaving and was on my way with Shiori's voice ringing clearly in my head. '_You're welcome here any time you need a home.'_

_**Okay, so this chapter was all summery and no action. Sorry about that but I couldn't drag this out any longer. I needed to fix Hiei in a flash because the real story is about to begin.**_


	12. Chapter 12 Kurama

_**Sorry it took so long to update. I just got dumped by my girlfriend and I was too bummed to write anything. But I think I made up for it with this chapter!**_

_**Disclaimer: Not even close to owning Yu Yu Hakusho. See profile for full disclaimer.**_

**Chapter Twelve Kurama **

'_Dear Kurama. Thank you for letting me stay with you. I'm returning to the Makai to seek justice. As you may already know, I have my powers back. Yukina restored them for me. I hope you have a nice life. Hiei.'_

_Well, what did you expect?_ I asked myself. _You treated him like crap and didn't tell him he still had his Jagan. I should consider myself lucky that he didn't come here to kill me after I lied to him about something so major._ I shredded the note and threw it away. No reason to keep something incriminating lying around. Besides, I knew if I didn't get rid of it, I would only keep reading it over and over until I lost my mind. _The question is: should I go after him?_ My heart was telling me to do it, but I knew intellectually that I wasn't welcome with him. _He's better off without me. I would only cause him more pain._ I thought about it all weekend and through the next week and decided not to go after him.

Until my mother came to me in my room and sat down on my bed. "Shuuichi," she said. "I'm very disappointed in you."

I looked at her shocked from my seat at my desk. "What have I done?"

"What have you done indeed? Why haven't you gone after Hiei? You love him, I know you do. This should be a simple decision."

"It isn't as easy as you think. There are multiple things to consider before…" She was giving me a stern look.

"The only things you have to consider are your happiness and Hiei's. Don't let one of life's most precious gifts pass you by. Go after him."

_She's right. Hiei deserves better then this. _**I**_ deserve better then this._ "I'll go. But I must warn you; I might not be back for a very long time."

"I'll notify the school. Go get your love, Shuuichi, before it's too late."

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The trip to the Makai was uninteresting until I passed through the border. A border patrol demon stopped me immediately and she started giving me trouble about being in human world in the first place.

"I don't have time for this," I said. I transformed into Yoko. "If you don't leave me alone, I'll make you regret it sorely."

"Y-yes, sir. Sorry, Kurama. I didn't know it was you," she said. "Go ahead."

"A wise decision."

I walked past her and headed toward Alaric. Then I realized that Hiei wouldn't go back to Alaric. In fact, I had no idea _where_ he had gone. He said he was going to seek justice. What did that mean?

Then I realized how stupid I was being. _ If Hiei's powers have been restored, he should be able to receive long-range telepathy._

/Hiei?/ I called out as strongly as possible. I received no response. /Hiei, where are you?/

Suddenly I remembered the day I found him in the forest. I had been at school and heard him screaming, and then the picture came of his exact location. I tried to remember what I had done to cause the precognition but I couldn't come up with anything other than being severely worried about Hiei; which I wasn't just yet, although I knew I would be soon if I didn't find him.

I tried to pick up on his energy trail but he must have used a different portal then the one I used. "Damn," I muttered.

_I love you, Kurama._ Wishful thinking? I could have sworn that was Hiei's voice. But it was so faint.

"Rally for justice!" someone's voice jarred me out of my thoughts. I looked to the source and saw a female Toushin standing on a pillar with several demons surrounding her. "The Makai legal system needs to wake up!" she went on. "We shall spark a revolution! Restore our rightful leaders to power! Mukuro, Yomi, and Yusuke-sama have earned their places as leaders of their territories. The tournament of Kings was a mistake that we have all paid dearly for. How many of you have been brought to so-called justice and had your powers stripped?"

"Hai!" the whole crowd yelled.

"How many of you are only here because of the Vigilante Healer?"

"Hai!" louder this time. And a few scattered, 'Hail the Healer!'

"You there!" The Toushin pointed at me. "Why have you come to the rally?"

"I'm looking for someone," I called back. "I'm just passing through."

"Will you join our revolution?"

"I don't have time. Can any of you tell me if you've seen Hiei?"

The Toushin laughed. "You're funny, Yoko. As if you don't already know where he is."

"I don't."

The rest of the group started laughing. "Sure, Yoko."

"My name is Kurama."

"I know. Isn't he where you left him?"

"Where I what?"

"At your den."

The laughter died down. "My den? I didn't know he was staying there."

"How could you not?"

I turned and started running toward my den. _Hiei had to have hoodwinked my plants. They would never let an outsider enter unless… He must be my soul mate!_

It took four hours of hard running before I reached my den near the border of Ganderra. Hiei wasn't there.

I asked my plants if he'd been there and they informed me that he'd been staying for a week and he left to get food. They thought he would be back soon.

I thanked them and walked through my den to the bed that was surrounded by treasure. Hiei had left everything the way it was and the only clue that he'd been there at all was his scent lingering on the bed.

I decided to lie down and wait for Hiei to return.

When I sensed him coming, I sat up and smoothed out my hair, then remembered that I was still transformed and returned to my normal form. Hiei walked in a few minutes later. He stared at me shocked for a minute before turning around and attempting to leave. I say attempting because my plants were following strict orders not to let Hiei leave without me by his side.

I waited patiently while Hiei through a fit about thorns and acid-spewing plants. "Welcome," I said. "I hope you've enjoyed your visit to my den."

"I didn't… I thought you wouldn't come…" Hiei trailed off.

"You thought I'd let the man I love leave me without a fight."

"What?"

"Come closer, Hiei."

Hiei walked over to the bed where I sat. "Why did you leave me without saying good bye?" I said. "I understand that you were angry-"

"Angry? You understand? How could you!? You knew that I still had my eye and you said nothing about it."

"Hiei, let me explain. I didn't tell you because I knew that if I did, you would leave me and come back here. I can't stand the thought of losing you."

"Then why didn't you come to me earlier?"

"I will admit that I was ashamed of myself and my actions. To tell you the truth, I thought you hated me."

"How could you…? I couldn't hate you. Why would I come to live at your den if I hated you? I wanted to be near your presence. Kurama, I love you."

"I love you too, Darling."

Hiei tackled me and kissed my face over and over until I claimed his lips. I held him close and slid my tongue past his lips. Our tongues danced together, not in a battle for dominance, but in an exploration.

There was the sense of being lost in his touch and when I came to, Hiei was slipping his hands down my pants. I let him this time. I didn't yell 'yamate' because I knew he deserved the chance to touch me. I purred into his mouth and Hiei seemed to come to his senses. He almost pulled his hands away but I stopped him. "Do as your heart desires," I told him. "You may take me as your own; I won't stop you."

Hiei leaned forward and kissed me; his hands exploring my rapidly growing length. I felt his own arousal pressed against my leg and I knew I wouldn't be denied the pleasure of having Hiei come inside me.

"Are you sure?" Hiei asked, as if reading my mind.

"I'm sure," I said, kissing him. A delicate dance between our tongues ensued.

Hiei did his best to remove my pants without breaking contact with my lips but gave up and dipped out of sight for a moment. When he came back, he was smirking happily. "You aren't wearing undergarments again," he said.

"I suppose I forgot…"

I rid Hiei of his clothes and Hiei removed my bothersome shirt. We took a moment to gaze at each other's naked forms before Hiei started rubbing his length against mine, creating friction. At that moment, friction became my most favorite thing in the world. Other than Hiei, of course.

"Spread your legs, Kitsune," Hiei said.

I happily complied with his wishes and he guided his arousal into my tight opening, the act made easier by the considerable amount of pre-come on Hiei's tip. I cried out in pure pleasure. "Unmake me," I commanded.

Hiei laughed nervously and took hold of my erection. He allowed me a moment to adjust before slowly going in an out, matching his rhythm with his hand stroking my arousal. "Mmm…" I said. "Mmm, Hiei. You're so good at that…" Hiei turned pink around his ears. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sounds of Hiei's moans as well as he continued creating friction.

Then Hiei hit the sweet spot. "Ah!" I said. "G-good. R-right th-ther-r-re." Hiei followed my request.

"You're barely coherent," Hiei said. He sped up and my cries got louder. There was a certain desperation to his actions now. "Gods, Kurama… You're so hot inside…" I looked up at him as he bit his lip. "Uhn." Seeing the look on his face made me lose it; I came all over Hiei's stomach and mine. Hiei followed soon afterward.

He collapsed next to me. "Mark me, Hiei," I said. "I'm yours now."

Hiei nodded and placed his hand over my heart. I felt a pleasant burning sensation and when I looked down to where he touched me, there was a small symbol that looked like a flame tattooed into my skin.

I held Hiei close and nearly started crying. Hiei must have sensed this because he said, "What's wrong, Love?"

"I'm just so happy!" I said.

"Me too," Hiei said. "Me too."

_**Nope, not the end! Review!**_


	13. Chapter 13 Hiei

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho. Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Yoshiro Togashi, Studio Perriot, and Funimation and is affiliated with Shonen Jump.

**Chapter 13 Hiei**

"God _damn_ it Kurama!" I yelled as one of his plants trapped me.

Kurama rushed out and disentangled me from his plant. He looked sleepy. "Trying to escape while I was a sleep?" he asked.

"I was doing nothing of the kind and you know that!" I growled. "I can't leave you after making you my mate less then twelve hours ago."

"Why not?"

"Because it's rude!"

"Since when are you polite? You've been polite to my mother, almost to the point of nauseating, ever since you returned to the Ninginkai."

"Mukuro didn't like it when I was rude to her guards. Besides, it would be unwise to be rude to someone who is giving you a place to live."

"Then what were you doing leaving the den?"

"I needed some air."

Kurama looked at me appraisingly, as if he didn't entirely believe me.

"Don't look at me like that. I just needed some air."

"All right." Kurama walked me out to the far edge of the den.

"For crying out loud, Kurama! Put some clothes on!" I had just noticed that he was naked.

"Whatever you say, Nushi." Kurama walked back into the den. I couldn't help but watch as he walked past.

_He did that on purpose, I know it,_ I thought. _I need to think. How am I supposed to break it to Kurama…?_

"Break what to me?" Kurama asked from behind me.

"I wish you wouldn't read my mind like that."

"I didn't. You seem to be volunteering your thoughts to me."

"I'm part of the revolution."

"What revolution?"

"To get the three kings back in power."

"What?" Kurama looked dumbfounded. _Well, at least he's wearing pants._

"Mukuro, Yomi, and Yusuke."

"What?"

"Are you alright?"

"I… _what_?!"

"There's a revolution to overthrow the government. Everyone wants it to go back to the way it was before."

"I'm just shocked. That's all. I just didn't expect... A revolution? Does Yusuke even know?"

"I hadn't thought about that. Surely one of the monks from Toranin have told him?"

"I don't know. Do Mukuro and Yomi know?"

"From what I understand, Mukuro is _leading_ the revolution. Yomi is gathering his own forces from Ganderra. The monks are trying to stay out of it but we all know they want Yusuke back in power."

"What part do you have in this?"

I sighed. "I'm second in command to Mukuro. Now before you scream 'what' again…"

"I wasn't going to. Why are you staying here if you're working for Mukuro?"

I felt my face getting warm and I knew I was blushing fiercely. "I wanted to be near your presence."

"That's only half the story, isn't it?"

"Mukuro has a hard time keeping her hands off me when we're together."

Kurama stiffened at the mention of someone else touching me. "You'll just have to tell her who your mate is. She should back off once she knows."

"Where does this leave us?"

"In Alaric, I suppose."

"You mean… You want to come with me?"

"I'm your mate, Hiei. Even if I had a choice, I wouldn't leave you."

"Thank you, Kurama. You don't know how much this means to me."

Kurama captured my lips in a sweet kiss.

**How's that for a happy ending?**

**Yes, yes, I know. Loose ends! But you expected me to write a whole revolution? Maybe later. But this is definitely the end!**


End file.
